"Bueller? Bueller?": The Clarion Call to Get Out of the Muslim World

Recent Iraqis polls show they don't want us there. In fact, according to a poll done by the University of Maryland's Program on International Policy Attitudes, they want us out ASAP.

My sentiments exactly. They're not worth one more dead American kid serving his country, not one more seriously wounded soldier who will live out his or her days maimed or wheelchair bound trying to help a backward Islamic country climb out of its medieval world and its mindless, angry savagery so it can become part of the modern Western world, a world it doesn't want to have anything to do with in the first place.

And that's all well and good. Our position as members of the "Church of the Politically Incorrect" should be that there is nothing wrong with leaving the job unfinished. Fagedabou nation building. It can't be done in Iraq if you're trying to create one that embraces democracy and the freedoms we in the West have grown accustomed to. Unless religion takes a back seat in Iraq-- or any Muslim country for that matter-- democracy and the freedoms we take for granted will never see the light of day there. To try to insure that it does by putting our young men and women at risk is not the answer. And, until the mullahs lose their influence, those countries will forever be against the West and especially America.

Are you suggesting, Father Al, that we leave them to their own devices?

Damn right. And no more help in any shape or form from Uncle Sam. Why? Because America comes first.

Well, you might ask again, won't that cause bigger problems for us down the road?

It will if we are not vigilant and our will is weak.

First off, in my vision of the "New World Order", no American soldier will ever set foot on "new enemy" soil again. Now, a "new enemy" is defined as any dictatorship that isn't grandfathered in to the UN like China, or any country that still isn't a democracy or one that limits basic human freedoms for men and women. That basically includes the known Muslim world.

But, my vision for a "New World Order" doesn't mean we will be turning our backs on our enemies. In fact, with the technology we have at our disposal, we will be watching them ever closer. And, if we find they are endangering America by their politics, we will be proactive in stopping them. Negotiation and reasoning with them will be a thing of the past.

"What do you mean by that, Father Al?"

Simply this: The "new enemy" will not have access to nuclear power or weapons, nor will they have access to America. I wish I could speak for the West, but Europe, for instance, is already overrun by Muslims and it will be much harder for them to remain safe, much less rid them of the "menace from within."

"Whoe," I can hear the politically correct scream, "that's pretty harsh treatment for a billion or more people!"

What's so harsh? America won't interfere with their lives any more. They can go on living as they choose. But because of their threats against the West, we won't allow them into our country nor will we allow them access to nuclear weapons and power. In essence, if you don't mess with us, we won't mess with them. But, if you choose to develop nuclear energy (I won't differentiate between safe and not-so-safe), we will destroy those sites from the air and take out electrical power plants that feed those systems. Basically, it will drive them back to the first half of the 20th Century. And, if after struggling out of the sand a generation later and they still persist in developing technology that can be used against us, we will strike again, sending them right back to where they started. This could go on for ever and ever. I don't care.

Now, please note, I am not suggesting we bomb innocent women and children. The targets are military and electrical power plants. Without electricty, they won't be able to build their weapons of mass destruction. Without electricity they can't mount a modern army-- and don't worry, they won't have one American kid to shoot at anyway because we are no longer sending in troops to build nations or to back up our air strikes. Hopefully living in such a post-electrical society will cause the people there to want to free themselves of the shackles of their anti-Western ideas. I think, however, that by taking the Western gift of electricity away from them will only make the mullahs happier. Without electricity their people won't be tempted to watch our God forsaken movies and TV shows or be exposed to those godless ideas of democracy and freedom to live as you want to. Think of it as laissez-faire with a stick. Who knows, maybe this approach will ultimately create a revolution from within that will overthrow those old religious farts and their constipated notions because, if nothing else, it will create a longing for the old wanton days of air-conditioning and rock and roll.

What? No chuckles from the congregation? Brothers and Sisters, as I look out over you today, I can tell you are a little taken back by it all. You didn't think our Church was really that politically incorrect. Well, guess what, we are. Remember, what you heard today may sound pretty out there. But when the next 9/11 comes, it will look like the voice of reason.

Speaking of the voice of reason, let me bring your attention to a new device I will be implementing at church and on our website. I call it the "Church of the Politically Incorrect Early Warning System". Instead of a clarion call that sounds like an air-raid siren, that gets you jumping up from your church pew, listen and watch for this:

(Turn on tape-- make sure it is REALLY LOUD)

"BUELLER? BUELLER?"

Does anyone recognize it? That's right, it's Ben Stein from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off". Ben Stein is one of the great living Americans with some great uncommon common sense ideas about how to live in this modern world. A true patriot if there ever was one. I'm going to use his famous delivery of that line as a clarion call to all members of the Church of the Politically Incorrect. When you hear it, listen up. When you see it, read and heed it. The first warning is:

(Turn on tape)

"BUELLER? BUELLER?"

61% of the Iraqis approve of attacks against U.S. troops. Slightly more than that want us out within a year.

I say, tomorrow isn't soon enough.

Amen.

Inaugural Sermon for the “Church of the Politically Incorrect.”

Welcome everyone to First Sunday, September 24, 2006; the day we first met as the Church for the Politically Incorrect. Whether or not it becomes an important historical moment or just another forgotten date in time depends on you.

If you are expecting me to begin where I left off in the "real" church, prepare to be disappointed. Dropping my pants to make a point got me kicked out of the Catholic Church because I got over zealous in defending the Pope's speech that infuriated the Muslim world. That won't happen here. After much prayer, I have come to see the light. Last week I was a defrocked priest. Today I'm the first pastor of the "Church of the Politcally Incorrect." To say that God works in mysterious ways would be an understatement. With this divinely given opportunity, I will endeavor not to be God's buffoon but rather, I pray, His messenger no matter how politically incorrect the message may be.

First off, it really is us against them because it’s them against us. Never forget it. It is not us against the Church or any peaceful religion. It’s us against Islam because it’s them against us. By taking this public stance we will be standing shoulder to shoulder with Christ who died to free us for eternity and our Founding Fathers, the framers of the Declaration of Independence, who risked their lives to free us for a temporal life of liberty and the pursuit of happiness with no one religion forced upon us. This is the way God wants it. Although we believe that Christ is the one true way to the Father, God doesn’t want you to believe anything you don’t want to believe—especially at the point of a scimitar or Kalashnikov. When it comes to Heaven, true believers need only apply.

Secondly, by its very nature, Islam cannot coexist with the West and it’s ideas of freedom and democracy. We cannot accommodate them because they don’t want to be accommodated. It is a medieval religion that somehow missed the Age of Enlightenment—and is proud of it too. We, the West, are infidels with way too much tolerance for pork and women. There is no room in Islamic sharia law for criticism or compromise. For a Muslim to suggest it is to court death; for an infidel it is a fate worse than death— which I fear Islam will one day define as a “dirty bomb”.

Thirdly, we don’t differentiate between a good Muslim and a bad Muslim. From our point of view they’re all bad—if you care for freedom and democracy. Unless supposedly moderate Muslims speak up and try to wrestle their religion away from the fascist thugs and hemorrhoidal, misogynistic young and old men that control it, Islam can never be trusted. Unless they renounce violence as a means to saving the world for Allah, until they accept other religions in their midst and equal rights for women, they are to be distrusted and avoided in public places.

I am reminded of Christ’s words: “When three or more are gathered in my name, I will be amongst them.” When I think about a pack of Muslims, I don’t see Allah among them, only bombs strapped around their bellies, with their mothers standing on the sidelines cheering them on to an early martyrdom and a shot at those heavenly virgins. C’mon, really, now. Is this not a religion that needs an updating? The angry, judgmental God of the Old Testament was updated to a loving, forgiving God in Christ over 2,000-years-ago. What the Qur’an needs is a New Testament updating—but who is brave enough in the Islamic world to do it? Without divine intervention, it will take a charismatic, politically savvy, open-minded thinker and I believe they are few and far between in the Muslim world. I wouldn’t hold my breath for such a man. In fact, I believe Christ will return before Islam ever issues a version 1.1.

Fourth, don’t believe them when they say it is a religion of “peace.” The Ninth Sura is the last section of the Qur’an to be revealed to the prophet Muhammad. Because of the Islamic doctrine of abrogation (naskh), Islamic theologians have asserted that the violent verses found there—including the “Verse of the Sword” (9.5)-- negate any previous peaceful and tolerant ones because Allah can change his mind. Yes, Islam was possibly a peaceful religion for a few decades until Muhammad had the last and final revelation: Spread the word by all means necessary.

In that regard, I can’t say it enough:

Don’t trust them,
Don’t believe them, and
Avoid public places where only one is gathered in Allah’s name.

But surely, you say, “Father Al, there must be something more we can do?”

There is. You must become advocates for change. You cannot come here once a week to worship God and to hang out with Brothers and Sisters who think the way you do. That’s too easy. Life doesn’t work that way. The things that truly matter take sacrifice. The last thing you want to become is the next “Silent Majority”—because I can promise you it will be the last one of the Western World. By showing up today for our first service, you took the first brave step toward becoming a Soldier of the Cross and Defender of the West. Never discount that effort. In America, it is much easier to keep your mouth shut in order to continue a blessed lifestyle most people can only dream of living. However, once word gets out about our beliefs, it may become dangerous to come to church for you and your children. One day we may find that the “Church of the Politically Incorrect” has been bombed to smithereens—with or without us in it. Perhaps one day our Church will only exist on our website long after we’re dead and gone, an electronic “Dead Sea Scroll” of a small band of believers who saw the inevitable and took a stand to stop it.

But as long as there are free brave men and women, the Church will survive. To insure its survivability, you can continue your brave journey by taking baby steps along the path to saving the Western World, Christianity in all of its forms, and other religions by spreading the word from behind the scenes, by emailing your congressmen, senators and even the President. You can start by advocating 4 proposals offered up by Robert Spencer, author of “The Politically Incorrect Guide to Islam” (see Links). Because of his writings, Mr. Spencer is, of course, on a Muslim hit list. That alone should make it required reading for members of this Church and I encourage you to buy it and read it so that you can get a better understanding of where Muslims are coming from and what we are up against. His 4 proposals to save the West are:

1) Western foreign aid must be tied to the treatment of non-Muslims in Muslim nations,
2) Global alliances need to be reconfigured on the same basis,
3) Muslim nations must renounce sharia expansion,
4) The West must embark upon a full-scale search for alternative energy sources.

I know, good luck on all of them, right? Well, as Confucius said, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” To preserve the West, freedom, and democracy, it is well worth the effort.

Now let us pray the Prayer of the Church of the Politically Incorrect:

Remind us, O Lord, that Life is a Great Adventure,
A Gift from You not to be guarded jealously,
But to be lived fearlessly before death itself.

Make us bold in our Convictions, O Lord,
For they shall keep Christ alive in America
And Israel strong in the World,

Preserve our Paranoia, O Lord,
For it shall keep us Alive in America
And the Western World Free.

In the Name of the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit and the Lord God of Israel,
Amen.

In the Beginning...

I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Or my pants on. Over the past few years I've been spending way too much time on my knees asking for forgiveness from the Almighty for not being more politically correct. But when them Muslims got all bent out of shape over our Holy Father's Regensburg Guffaw and started killing nuns and burning our churches because he happened to mention in passing that some guy from the 14th Century thought the religion was "inhuman", I just couldn't corral my emotions any longer. So, the Sunday following the brouhaha when them Muslims were tearing out their hair and threatening the extinction of everything I hold pure and holy-- which is basically the Western World and all it stands for-- I preached a sermon that finally got me canned by the Church.

Earlier, I had been put on notice by my archdiocese for my views and temperament. Part of my rehabilitation was to take classes in anger management. It was an uphill battle for me but after a few months it looked like I was making progress toward becoming a more rational, forgiving human being. And then came the Regensburg Guffaw. Seeing them apocalyptic Muslims marching and screaming death to the Holy Father, the Church, and America just got me so riled up it tainted my original homily on tolerance I planned to deliver to my congregation that Sunday. At that time them Muslims were still demanding an apology from the Pope, a "Regensburg Confession" if you will, that would acknowledge that their religion isn't stuck in the middle ages and a haven for nutcases led by bitter old, hemorrhoidal, misogynistic men issuing fatwahs left and right at the drop of a hat. Looking back, I think the other thing that got me going was not hearing anyone from the larger, supposedly rational Muslim community telling their brothers to put a sock in it. Talk about a "silent majority", geese. Anyway, by the time I gave my sermon, I was juiced and within minutes off topic and, I'm sure, many of you reading this will say I was "off his rocker" too.

Still, what began as a joke to lighten up-- and wake up-- my congregation, turned out to be something much bigger than I ever intended. I was suggesting that instead of referring to someone as "going Postal" when they're pissed off about something and want to kill every living thing around them, that we use "going Muslim" instead. I have to admit at the time, the joke only got a few titters and a couple of nudges into sleeping congregants. Maybe the nudgers knew something was coming up, I don't know but before I even knew it, I was finishing my homily by mooning everyone and telling them Muslims to "Kiss my baptized buttocks!"

Within days I got my walking papers. I was a defrocked priest cast aside by the Church trying to toe a politically correct line. I had no place to go. Or so I thought. God works in mysterious ways because I must have struck a chord in the hearts of some of my parishioners. When word got out I was a ronin priest, my flock found me a place to live and rented a "storefront church" right across the street from the "real" church where I had fought the good fight for Our Lord and Savior for nearly twenty-years. We're calling it the "Church of the Politically Incorrect." The first sermon will be this Sunday.

As you can see from the picture above, our "new religion" is less forgiving and a lot more angrier than our last one. Christ is still our Savior but we don't turn our cheeks as often. In fact, we are much more vocal and activist oriented. One of our main tenets is that it really is us against them, that being politically correct will only hasten the fall of the Western World and its concepts of Freedom and Democracy. Instead of smurking like so many liberals do when they hear the names of Charlton Heston or John Wayne, we embrace them for their ideals. In that regard, I will leave you with a quotation from a speech made by one of our Living Saints.

In the One True God's Holy Name,

Father Al Kadah

"I believe that we are engaged in a great Civil War, a Cultural War that is about to hijack your birthright to think and say what lives in your heart." -- Charlton Heston, Harvard University, 1999

And, of course, his famous warning to anyone trying to limit his right to bear arms, including trying to remove the muzzle-loading musket, symbol of the fabled Revolutionary Minute Men, he was waving over his head:

"So as we set out this year to defeat the divisive forces that would take our freedom away, I want to say those words again for everyone within the sound of my voice to hear and to heed...From my cold, dead hands!"
-- Charlton Heston, 2000 NRA Convention

To see a recent interview about me, please click here.