In the Beginning...
I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Or my pants on. Over the past few years I've been spending way too much time on my knees asking for forgiveness from the Almighty for not being more politically correct. But when them Muslims got all bent out of shape over our Holy Father's Regensburg Guffaw and started killing nuns and burning our churches because he happened to mention in passing that some guy from the 14th Century thought the religion was "inhuman", I just couldn't corral my emotions any longer. So, the Sunday following the brouhaha when them Muslims were tearing out their hair and threatening the extinction of everything I hold pure and holy-- which is basically the Western World and all it stands for-- I preached a sermon that finally got me canned by the Church.
Earlier, I had been put on notice by my archdiocese for my views and temperament. Part of my rehabilitation was to take classes in anger management. It was an uphill battle for me but after a few months it looked like I was making progress toward becoming a more rational, forgiving human being. And then came the Regensburg Guffaw. Seeing them apocalyptic Muslims marching and screaming death to the Holy Father, the Church, and America just got me so riled up it tainted my original homily on tolerance I planned to deliver to my congregation that Sunday. At that time them Muslims were still demanding an apology from the Pope, a "Regensburg Confession" if you will, that would acknowledge that their religion isn't stuck in the middle ages and a haven for nutcases led by bitter old, hemorrhoidal, misogynistic men issuing fatwahs left and right at the drop of a hat. Looking back, I think the other thing that got me going was not hearing anyone from the larger, supposedly rational Muslim community telling their brothers to put a sock in it. Talk about a "silent majority", geese. Anyway, by the time I gave my sermon, I was juiced and within minutes off topic and, I'm sure, many of you reading this will say I was "off his rocker" too.
Still, what began as a joke to lighten up-- and wake up-- my congregation, turned out to be something much bigger than I ever intended. I was suggesting that instead of referring to someone as "going Postal" when they're pissed off about something and want to kill every living thing around them, that we use "going Muslim" instead. I have to admit at the time, the joke only got a few titters and a couple of nudges into sleeping congregants. Maybe the nudgers knew something was coming up, I don't know but before I even knew it, I was finishing my homily by mooning everyone and telling them Muslims to "Kiss my baptized buttocks!"
Within days I got my walking papers. I was a defrocked priest cast aside by the Church trying to toe a politically correct line. I had no place to go. Or so I thought. God works in mysterious ways because I must have struck a chord in the hearts of some of my parishioners. When word got out I was a ronin priest, my flock found me a place to live and rented a "storefront church" right across the street from the "real" church where I had fought the good fight for Our Lord and Savior for nearly twenty-years. We're calling it the "Church of the Politically Incorrect." The first sermon will be this Sunday.
As you can see from the picture above, our "new religion" is less forgiving and a lot more angrier than our last one. Christ is still our Savior but we don't turn our cheeks as often. In fact, we are much more vocal and activist oriented. One of our main tenets is that it really is us against them, that being politically correct will only hasten the fall of the Western World and its concepts of Freedom and Democracy. Instead of smurking like so many liberals do when they hear the names of Charlton Heston or John Wayne, we embrace them for their ideals. In that regard, I will leave you with a quotation from a speech made by one of our Living Saints.
In the One True God's Holy Name,
Father Al Kadah
And, of course, his famous warning to anyone trying to limit his right to bear arms, including trying to remove the muzzle-loading musket, symbol of the fabled Revolutionary Minute Men, he was waving over his head:
To see a recent interview about me, please click here.
Earlier, I had been put on notice by my archdiocese for my views and temperament. Part of my rehabilitation was to take classes in anger management. It was an uphill battle for me but after a few months it looked like I was making progress toward becoming a more rational, forgiving human being. And then came the Regensburg Guffaw. Seeing them apocalyptic Muslims marching and screaming death to the Holy Father, the Church, and America just got me so riled up it tainted my original homily on tolerance I planned to deliver to my congregation that Sunday. At that time them Muslims were still demanding an apology from the Pope, a "Regensburg Confession" if you will, that would acknowledge that their religion isn't stuck in the middle ages and a haven for nutcases led by bitter old, hemorrhoidal, misogynistic men issuing fatwahs left and right at the drop of a hat. Looking back, I think the other thing that got me going was not hearing anyone from the larger, supposedly rational Muslim community telling their brothers to put a sock in it. Talk about a "silent majority", geese. Anyway, by the time I gave my sermon, I was juiced and within minutes off topic and, I'm sure, many of you reading this will say I was "off his rocker" too.
Still, what began as a joke to lighten up-- and wake up-- my congregation, turned out to be something much bigger than I ever intended. I was suggesting that instead of referring to someone as "going Postal" when they're pissed off about something and want to kill every living thing around them, that we use "going Muslim" instead. I have to admit at the time, the joke only got a few titters and a couple of nudges into sleeping congregants. Maybe the nudgers knew something was coming up, I don't know but before I even knew it, I was finishing my homily by mooning everyone and telling them Muslims to "Kiss my baptized buttocks!"
Within days I got my walking papers. I was a defrocked priest cast aside by the Church trying to toe a politically correct line. I had no place to go. Or so I thought. God works in mysterious ways because I must have struck a chord in the hearts of some of my parishioners. When word got out I was a ronin priest, my flock found me a place to live and rented a "storefront church" right across the street from the "real" church where I had fought the good fight for Our Lord and Savior for nearly twenty-years. We're calling it the "Church of the Politically Incorrect." The first sermon will be this Sunday.
As you can see from the picture above, our "new religion" is less forgiving and a lot more angrier than our last one. Christ is still our Savior but we don't turn our cheeks as often. In fact, we are much more vocal and activist oriented. One of our main tenets is that it really is us against them, that being politically correct will only hasten the fall of the Western World and its concepts of Freedom and Democracy. Instead of smurking like so many liberals do when they hear the names of Charlton Heston or John Wayne, we embrace them for their ideals. In that regard, I will leave you with a quotation from a speech made by one of our Living Saints.
In the One True God's Holy Name,
Father Al Kadah
"I believe that we are engaged in a great Civil War, a Cultural War that is about to hijack your birthright to think and say what lives in your heart." -- Charlton Heston, Harvard University, 1999
And, of course, his famous warning to anyone trying to limit his right to bear arms, including trying to remove the muzzle-loading musket, symbol of the fabled Revolutionary Minute Men, he was waving over his head:
"So as we set out this year to defeat the divisive forces that would take our freedom away, I want to say those words again for everyone within the sound of my voice to hear and to heed...From my cold, dead hands!"
-- Charlton Heston, 2000 NRA Convention
To see a recent interview about me, please click here.
posted by Verticus Erectus at 9:29 AM
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